D23: The Laughing Crypt

THE LAUGHING CRYPT

The Laughing Crypt is a mini dungeon in the Black Chapel district of Moon City. “It contains a wight--everyone knows that, and everyone knows to stay the fuck away.”

Hook

This is just one possibility. The party wanted to do some graverobbing at the cemetery, but every other grave is long since picked over. The same misfortune has befallen the graverobbers Dolbin and Pithgass, who suggest braving the laughing crypt. 

Random Encounters

None. There are no wandering monsters in the Laughing Crypt. Instead, every 3 rounds there is a 1:6 chance that the creepy laugher (audible from only some rooms, see below) causes a character stress. Stress can deal 1d6 nonlethal damage, or fill inventory slots, or whatever… just as long as it puts some time pressure on the party.

1 ENTRANCE

• Stone mausoleum. No door. Arch flanked by gargoyles with mouths wide open, laughing.

• Graffiti on the outside of the tomb warns that the wight will steal your very life force (level drain). Investigation reveals that it is covering up even older graffiti. The old stuff says you can get a boon if you give it your most valuable possession and then tell it a joke.

• S Stone steps down to 2 PORTCULLIS

2 PORTCULLIS

• More graffiti: “sorry, we tried to warn you”

• Wrought iron portcullis. No crank, must be lifted by hand. Bit of chain at the bottom where someone tried to lock it shut (the knights), but the lock has been cut by bolt cutters (dolbin and pithgass). Bits of burnt wood on the floor (investigation reveals they’re singed puppet folk fingers). The portcullis trapped: if you lift it a tiny bit it starts to feel warm, if you yank it hard it heats up as Heat Metal.

• E dark hallway to 4 MOSAICS, cobwebs recently disturbed

• W damp hallway to 3 WATERLOGGED

3 WATERLOGGED

• This room is partially caved in and mostly full of water. Under the water lurk some giant amphibious mosquitoes. Searching the water reveals a corpse: dagger with a gold ornamental sheath, soggy leather vest (+1 armor), and dynomite (2x remaining) in a watertight bag. Searching the water completely reveals a secret passage.

• E damp hallway to 2 PORTCULLIS

• Secret: narrow underwater tunnel SE to 7 HEAVY DOORS

Giant Amphibious Mosquito

As stirge or similar

4 MOSAICS

• Mosaics on the walls and ceiling depict a folk hero, the laughing knight, alternatively portrayed as a hero and jester. Everyone is laughing and having a good time.

• If they weren’t already encountered at the cemetery, the graverobbers dolbin and pithgass will be here. They’re disgruntled that they can’t get into the crypt and have decided to take a consolation prize. They’re prying up all the chips of the mosaic, planning on reassembling them elsewhere and selling it as an art piece. Pithgass in particular is having a rough time of it due to his burned hands. (Surprisingly, this scheme would work and count as a big treasure.) If the party look strong, they’ll offer them a cut of treasure if they can help lift the doors in 7 HEAVY DOORS.

• S hallway to 5 FACES, echoes of creepy laughter

• W hallway to 2 PORTCULLIS

Dolbin & Pithgass

3 hp, low int, low cha, shovel 1d6, wooden bodies*

* They sold their bodies and had their souls stuck in wooden puppets so that they’d be immune to the mundane plague running rampant in black chapel.

5 FACES

• Faces carved in-relief adorn the walls, a ton of them, like 36 per wall. Each face is unique. Each is contorted into a vision of laughter. (Inasmuch as they’re scary or grotesque, it's only because they’re frozen mid laugh; like when you pause a movie at the wrong moment.) Searching reveals one face that is trying to hold in it's laugh. If you tell it a joke, it’ll spit out a lump of raw gold.

• Creepy laughter can be heard. It is just a feint echo coming from deeper in but you can hear it through the stone. The laughter makes idle lingering very difficult. See RANDOM ENCOUNTERS..

• S stone door (good hinges, swings freely) to 6 OFFERINGS

• W hallway to 7 HEAVY DOORS

6 OFFERINGS

• Creepy laughter can be heard. See 5 FACES.

• Pile of assorted junk, mostly sorta conceivably valuable but not treasure. Searching through the pile for something good reveals a random item (1d6 below) and that the floor is a big stone face.

• Secret: the floor is a big stone face -- clearing out the pile of junk takes 3 rounds. If cleared, you can see that the floor face is scowling. If you tell it a joke, it’ll open it's mouth and reveal a secret passage

• N hallway to 5 FACES

• Secret: drop down to 8 WIGHT

Random item from the pile of junk // (3 times total, then it's cleared)

1. Human bone (1d6, fragile)

2. Worthless trinkets (tea set, bad art, etc)

3. Random tool (shovel, hammer, dagger, tongs, clothes) with a personal insignia

4. Random orthodox spell scroll (single use)

5. Gold locket, plain, picture of a young boy

6. The diary-fechtbuch of Sir Lovenball von Graft (big treasure)

7 HEAVY DOORS

• Creepy laughter can be heard. See 5 FACES. The laughter stops if you mess with the huge stone doors (see 8 WIGHT).

• Stone dais rising up in the center of the room. The rest is full of knee deep water. Searching under the water reveals a secret passage.

• Huge stone doors, set at an angle like a bulkhead. They take a combined [shit load] str to lift. They’ll slam shut unless wedged open somehow.

• S (beyond the huge stone doors), slippery-smooth stone stairs down to 8 WIGHT, chill wind

• E hallway to 5 FACES

• Secret: NW underwater tunnel to 3 WATERLOGGED

8 WIGHT

Depending on how the party enters:

• If via the stairs below 7 HEAVY DOORS…
  Silent. The creepy laughter is gone. Totally dark. Chilly air. Secret: The wight is waiting in the shadows, ready for an ambush (preferably after the hilarious firefly trap goes off). 

• Or by any other path (the secret passage from 6 OFFERINGS, tunneling through the wall, etc)...
  Loud creepy laughter. Dimly lit by giant fireflies buzzing around the ceiling. The wight is slashing its sword against the stone walls in a fit of violence and insane laughter (surprised).

• Stone coffin in the center of the room. The heavy lid is covered in a mosaic (big treasure). It depicts a folk hero, the laughing knight, as he is betrayed by his fellows. They are crying. He is laughing even as he dies. Pushing aside the heavy lid is possible. If the wight is lying in ambush, it causes a rush of giant fireflies to burst out (save vs blinded as a flashbang or light spell, otherwise harmless). The wight thinks this is hilarious and will spring his ambush if still hidden.

• The walls and stone coffin are all covered in scratch marks from the wight’s insane fits of laughter and violence. The ceiling is concave (the back side of the face from 6 OFFERINGS), the fact that it is a face is obscured by the nests of the fireflies. Telling it a joke to open the secret passage still works from this side.

• The wight is, of course, the laughing knight. He’ll cackle insane the entire time he fights. He has plate (+2 armor, 2 slots), a ring of beetle magic, and a ruined sword (1d6) Inside his stone coffin are 1d6 gold funeral trinkets

Wight, The Laughing Knight

18 hp, hi dex, sword 1d8, vitality drain (xp debt -or- 1d6 permanent stat damage -or- diminish the intensity of one aspect or goal), creepy laugh (cosmetic)

APPENDIX

Ring of Beetle Magic

You can cast Control Beetle(s), Speak with Beetles, and Transmute Willing Beetle to Fire. You do this by investing your own MD (which everyone has)... more on this some other time.

I'd use Control Water, Dendigraphy, and Explode Corpse as templates for adjudicating these spells. Anything roughly beetle-like counts (tunnel hulk yes, rust monster yes, paladin of the order of the beetle maybe, giant ant no). Monsters with HD get a save. Or maybe [sum] must be greater than their HDx3, I forget the exact wording.

WTF is up with this money calculation

Everything comes in 3s, including money. Money is roughly 1:1 with buying power (todo: find the link to this post). So 1d6 gold junk is ~3.5 gold junks is 10.5 purchases. Big treasure is entirely different.